On Genderfluidity and Gender Presentation (FYS WRITING ASSIGNMENT #1 RESPONSE)

As a gender-fluid person, this question is a hard one to respond to. How am I meant to dissect my gender if I barely know what it is, or if it shifts daily? But when reading the prompt a little closer, I'm intrigued with a specific choice of wording: ‘what “gender” you are or are perceived to be?’ Unlike my gender, my perceived gender is very static and very carefully constructed. As a result, my perceived gender is forged through a compromise between my constantly morphing gender identity, societal pressures placed upon me, and my upbringing as a white American. 

My gender identity is a large part of how I choose to present myself. This might be curious, as I just said that my gender identity is fluid, but it is exactly that fluidity that has influenced a large part of how I present. As my gender is constantly at war with itself, I often avoid any clothes that gender themselves too harshly. As a result, I often draw outfit inspiration from places without strong gender affiliation, like character designs from media or various counter cultures throughout history. This allows me to present myself in a way that is nearly agender, or at the very least nonbinary. Such a situation prevents me from being unhappy with my appearance, and it allows people to draw conclusions about my gender purely from my daily actions, not my clothes.  

While I did just go over the utilitarian function of my wardrobe in the last paragraph, it’s not like I sat down in a dark room and devised a perfect outfit for a gender fluid individual. No, it was societal influence, and that can be seen most clearly with my wardrobe and its relationship to femininity. Despite my wardrobe being mostly agender, it does have two requirements: one, that as much of it as physically possible is women’s clothing, and two, that every top I wear shows that I have breasts in at least some capacity. This is because while I am gender fluid, I lean more femininely and therefore use she/they pronouns. But because of the weight placed by society on the label “woman”, I feel a certain duty to stay within those boundaries to satisfy how society views me, even if that duty is only clothing section or breast deep.  

Of course, much of the way I choose to present is made possible by my whiteness. This is because unlike most other racial groups, I would argue that white men and white women have very few scripts in the first place. There’s the common stereotypes of men and women, but then what? White guys like golf? White women like to complain? These are not life defining characteristics, they do not change how others would interact with me. I receive no ire for “crossing the line” because to put it simply in the modern day and age there isn’t much of a line to cross. However, unlike white people, people of color have loaded stereotypes, ones that are much harder to escape. A Latine in my position might find themselves struggling between upholding the Latina stereotype of being feisty or a good chef while also trying to uphold the script of being hardworking and strong. This is a problem I simply don’t have. 

Gender presentation is a very fickle thing, with identity, pressure, and race all combining to create how you present to the outside world. While I may not fully know my gender, this look into how I present shows how I am molded, both by myself and by others around me.